one two three fourrrrnication!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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