i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
