2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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