420 ftw
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
