He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
