I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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