Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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