i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
