I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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