I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
