I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
