I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize