They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
