dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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