You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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