Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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