Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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