she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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