You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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