Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
