I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
