I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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