If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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