My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
