nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize