Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
