If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
