i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
