I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
