Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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