He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
