Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
