The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I understand Curling. That high.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
