I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
