OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
