i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize