she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
