that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
