Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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