did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize