he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
