mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
