Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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