I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I believe in your delicious
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