I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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