Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
50% drunk capacity currently
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
