Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
