I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
