come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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