What a fucking waste of an outfit
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
