He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize