Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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