Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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