I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
