My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
