guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize