It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
