my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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