In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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