people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
