So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
