You don't have asthma, your pregnant
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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