you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
