Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
