I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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