He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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