I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
