i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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