please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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