Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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