We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
