the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize