I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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