The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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