He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
