And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Terrible idea I love it
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
