OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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