my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
