Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
